Today is October 1…the start of Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It’s a great time to remind everyone to do their monthly self exams.
http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/About-Breast-Cancer/Breast-Self-Exam.aspx
A few months ago I went for my annual mammogram and they called me back for a more precise mammogram….a spot compression mammogram. Let’s see…how was it different? The regular mammogram feels like your boob is being squeezed really hard….a spot compression mammogram feels like your boobs is clamped inside a bear trap with a fat man standing on it jumping up and down. The tech told me to hold my breath during the scan but what she didn’t know was that it hurt so bad that I couldn’t breathe!! After she was finished I went to the bathroom to check myself and make sure I didn’t have a hole in my boob!! To my untrained eye it appeared to still be intact.
As soon as the radiologist reviewed the results they took me straight to the ultrasound room. I thought to myself, “Shit…I really need to get back to work!!!”
After the ultrasound, the tech left the room and came back with the radiologist. Crap…I knew what that meant. He showed me the spot and had me feel it. Yep, definitely something there!!! He had found something that appeared to him to be cancer.
A week later I went to the Breast Cancer Center at one of the local hospitals. I saw a breast cancer specialist then I had another mammogram, another ultrasound, and a needle biopsy. After the radiologist finished she put a tiny little metal tag in the area. Now my puggle, Georgia, and I have something in common….we’re both microchipped. Well she’s microchipped…I just have a metal shard in my boob. Hopefully, it’s not large enough to set off the metal detectors at airport security. How would I explain that one?
After they poked a hole in my boob, took out some boob tissue, and inserted a metal boob tag they said they would do another mammogram. What?????? You just cut me and now you’re going to squeeze it???? Oh hell no!! I almost took off running!! She explained that it would not be a tight compression—they only wanted to mark the tag. Okay, I decided I could handle that.
Two days later I got the results. They were 99% sure it was steatonecrosis. What the hell is that, you might ask? It’s dead fat tissue. Apparently, my knockers are so big that they’re dying!!! Nah, I’m just kidding. She said it could be caused by trauma or it is also common in large breasted women.
Steatonecrosis is nothing bad but it’s virtually impossible to differentiate steatonecrosis from breast cancer on either a mammogram or an ultrasound and it can actually mask breast cancer. Now I get to go back in December for another spot compression mammogram. I can hardly wait….this time I’m asking for a slug of whiskey and a leather strap to bite down on….
http://www.nationalbreastcancer.org/About-Breast-Cancer/Breast-Self-Exam.aspx
A few months ago I went for my annual mammogram and they called me back for a more precise mammogram….a spot compression mammogram. Let’s see…how was it different? The regular mammogram feels like your boob is being squeezed really hard….a spot compression mammogram feels like your boobs is clamped inside a bear trap with a fat man standing on it jumping up and down. The tech told me to hold my breath during the scan but what she didn’t know was that it hurt so bad that I couldn’t breathe!! After she was finished I went to the bathroom to check myself and make sure I didn’t have a hole in my boob!! To my untrained eye it appeared to still be intact.
As soon as the radiologist reviewed the results they took me straight to the ultrasound room. I thought to myself, “Shit…I really need to get back to work!!!”
After the ultrasound, the tech left the room and came back with the radiologist. Crap…I knew what that meant. He showed me the spot and had me feel it. Yep, definitely something there!!! He had found something that appeared to him to be cancer.
A week later I went to the Breast Cancer Center at one of the local hospitals. I saw a breast cancer specialist then I had another mammogram, another ultrasound, and a needle biopsy. After the radiologist finished she put a tiny little metal tag in the area. Now my puggle, Georgia, and I have something in common….we’re both microchipped. Well she’s microchipped…I just have a metal shard in my boob. Hopefully, it’s not large enough to set off the metal detectors at airport security. How would I explain that one?
After they poked a hole in my boob, took out some boob tissue, and inserted a metal boob tag they said they would do another mammogram. What?????? You just cut me and now you’re going to squeeze it???? Oh hell no!! I almost took off running!! She explained that it would not be a tight compression—they only wanted to mark the tag. Okay, I decided I could handle that.
Two days later I got the results. They were 99% sure it was steatonecrosis. What the hell is that, you might ask? It’s dead fat tissue. Apparently, my knockers are so big that they’re dying!!! Nah, I’m just kidding. She said it could be caused by trauma or it is also common in large breasted women.
Steatonecrosis is nothing bad but it’s virtually impossible to differentiate steatonecrosis from breast cancer on either a mammogram or an ultrasound and it can actually mask breast cancer. Now I get to go back in December for another spot compression mammogram. I can hardly wait….this time I’m asking for a slug of whiskey and a leather strap to bite down on….
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