I hop on what?????

You’ve got to believe me because I could never make this shit up….

I once lived in Gastonia, North Carolina, which is just a stone’s throw from Charlotte. In Gastonia there is a International House of Pancakes. Yummy yummy yummy!!!! Unfortunately, this International House of Pancakes is located on Cox Road.

It’s fondly known as the IHOP on Cox.

I’m actually thinking of funding a low rate porno called I Hop on Cox. It will take place in an actual IHOP and the main characters will be named Steven Sausage and Pamela Pancakes. They’ll be sausage and pancake flippers by day but at night they’ll do interesting and flamboyantly filthy things with their sausage and pancakes. I’ll make a fortune!!!!

Okay…the part about me funding the porno is a lie because I would rather spend money on shoes. But the part about IHOP on Cox……totally true!!!!

Boom chicka out out…

Why "Single Gal" will never shop for a baby shower again...

I realized last week I’m lucky that I’m old enough that most of my friends have either birthed all the babies they want or chosen to be barren and childless. Thank you old and childless friends. I love ya more than peanut butter and chocolate!!!


One of my work husbands and his dear wife are about to become parents for the first time and I volunteered to go to Babies r Us and Target to get gifts from their registery from a group at work. I just knew that doing this would be sooooo easy. I was so damned wrong!!!!

First I tackled Babies r Us...it was a madhouse. Okay I'm exaggerating...it only became mad after I got there. I was overwhelmed by all the shit in that store. I was also overwhelmed by the kid riding a razor scooter around in there and by the man working there who looked like he should not be within 1000 feet of children under the age of 18. I wandered around like a drunken, lost woman and finally I saw something that was maybe definitely on the registery. I grabbed it and ran like hell out the door...well I did stop to pay for it. God help me!!!

Then I went to Target. Apparently, a tornado that only picked up baby accoutrement and accessories slammed through my Target and grabbed anything a human under the age of 6 months would wear, chew on, or poop in. This is where things get tricky. Were Hefty bags on the registry??? I swear to God it's the only thing they had left in the store.

As I left Target, only half the woman that had entered 30 minutes earlier, I thought to myself, "Self, I think Jack (whom I work with) would have had more success than you did." Then I realized that no, Jack would have just bought a huge box of condoms tossed it at them and said, "Dudes, don't ever let this happen again."

Chick the hell out...