Oh no she didn't...

When I called my mother last night she read me every single movie on her Netflix instant watch queue. There had to be over 100 movies. I wanted to strangle myself.

It's sort of like when she goes online to noaa.gov from 500 miles away to tell me what my weather is like. Umm....yeah, I can look out the fucking window...

Chick out...*sigh*

Talk the talk, walk the walk, and stalk the stalk

I haven’t posted in a couple weeks. Talullah’s father has been in the hospital and I haven’t been in the mood to write anything. Of course, his hospital stay did result in a hilarious story. We just can’t escape hilarity even when illness drags us down!!

Let me give you a bit of back story….

When we were in college Talullah had a huge crush on a guy in one of her classes. I’ll call him John Mann. When were in college she talked about him all the time….John Mann did this…John Mann said this…John Mann shit and it didn’t stink…that kind of thing. She was definitely smitten.

So back to present day..

Talullah was sitting in her father’s hospital room when his doctor walked in. His doctor was none other than…*drum roll*… John Mann!!!! Talullah’s heart fluttered and her girlie parts started to moan!! John Mann…man of her dreams, circa 1990…was face to face with her…now…today…a medical doctor!! What do you think she did????

Well she said something like “Well if it’s not John Mann!!” She then rattled off a list of 20 year old facts to him that forever etched her in his brain as a fucking stalker.

We were in this class together.
You sat here and I sat there.
Remember when you wore the red shirt?
You smelled so good.

Then she ran over and licked him. Okay…that’s a lie but I’ll bet in her mind she licked him!!!

She said that during her diatribe she realized that she sounded stalkerish so she started throwing out names of his friends so she wouldn’t seem so weird. Yeah that made things better. I informed her that when she did that it made it look like she stalked not only him but his friends as well.

So what came of the reunion? Well I think she went to a costume shop and rented a nurse’s costume so she could follow him around for the remainder of the day without being detected. She stuck out like a sore thumb though because nurses don’t wear the uniforms anymore and even if they did they’ve never worn garter belts and fishnet stockings with them. I guess she should have specified that she didn’t want the naughty nurse costume.

Nah, actually she didn’t see him anymore after he left the room. Honestly, I think she freaked him out and he tried to avoid her after that. Who could blame him. She talked the talk, walked the walk, and stalked the stalk. That would scare the shit out of any man I know…

Chick out…