Sharts, zombies, and various other Nonsense

The other night I dreamed that I was trying to get my friend Willow to go in halfsy with me to buy a piece of property to build a cabin on. While we were looking around, I sat on a tree stump and farted and shat my pants. So I actually sharted. The realtor was there and I was afraid she would smell me. She never did...or she acted like she didn't smell me.

Then.. we ended up in a store with our friends Talullah and Leilani. Willow was telling me she couldn't afford her half of the $500 per month it would cost to buy the property and I was trying to figure out how I could swing the entire amount. We were looking at used books at the time.

Then...I was somehow transported to a restaurant in my hometown where I talked to a man that I used to work with here in Maryland. Then a guy whom I went to high school with crept over beside me, sat down, and layed his head on my shoulder.

Then...I got up and went in a back room where they were decorating for a baby shower. I looked around and thought, 'These are the cheapest decorations I've ever seen." Talullah was there and as we walked out of the room we encountered another guy we went to high school with. She hugged him and I ignored him. I was afraid I had offended him.

Then...I decided to take a shower (remember I did shit my pants a while back) but the shower stalls were in the middle of the restaurant and the shower curtains were too tiny to cover me. I decided to keep my clothes on and wash only my hair. Three men were watching me and I yelled at them. I finished washing my hair but my pants were still full of shit.

Then...Willow, Leilani, Talullah and I all ended up together again and we left the restaurant. As we got in our car (a Thing...remember those?) we were attacked by three zombies. I realized that one of them was only acting like a zombie so I kicked him in the face...while I was driving. I was actually steering a Thing, working the gas and break with one foot, and kicking a faux zombie in the face with another. It was like a Will Smith movie.

Then...my alarm clock went off and I woke up.

Whew!!!! This one was crazier than the one I had a few weeks ago where someone tossed a woman into the air and she turned into a human sized tongue depressor!!!

Holy shit...what is wrong with me???

Chick out...