Dance recitals

Late spring, early summer also known as Dance Recital Season. Those cute little girls, in those cute little outfits, doing those cute little dances. It's just precious!! Here they are dressed as little flowers, with tutus, and feathers tapping or strutting all over the stage, always with an eye off-stage to follow the dance instructor. Not a one of these really knows what she's doing but damn it she's having fun and she's cute as a button.

So on Friday at work, one of my co-workers told me he was going to his daughter's recital the next day. Not very shocking, right. Right! Except for the fact that she's about 26 years old. What the hell 26 year old woman takes dance class that has a recital?? I didn't know what to say. I think I just raised my eyebrows and nodded my head but inside my head it was like a whirlwind of craziness and an internal mantra of "weirdo...freako" over and over again.

As odd as that sounds it gets weirder. She's taking tap dance and she's also taking...belly dancing. I know that women take belly dancing for a work-out and that's okay but she was going to have a belly dancing recital!!! A recital that her parents were attending. I can't imagine shimmying around on a stage doing a fertility dance and having it witnessed by my parents. My mother might actually utter the phrase "What the fuck?" if she saw me do such a thing.

Oh but it gets weirder. Can it get weirder? Hell yeah it can!!!! Her husband takes tap dance too so he was going to be part of the recital. What the fuck kind of grown ass, straight man takes tap dance and participates in a recital???

I have sooo many questions:

Was a top hat part of his costume?

Did he actually do jazz hands?

Did he tap to Yankee Doodle Dandy?

Did he do the Lindy?

Did he swing around a light pole like Gene-Friggin-Kelly in "Singin' in the Rain"?

And most importantly....What kind of panties does he wear?

Oh my God...my head is going to explode. I know I'm country and hillbilly but adult dance recitals? Really? Grown men giving recitals? Really??

That's it! I'm taking a pole dancing class and all of y'all are invited to the recital. Don't worry...I'll be handing out blindfolds and barf bags at the door because I know it'll be gross and disgusting.

Chick shimmying and gyrating out...