The Adam

I’ve told you of my father’s love of serial westerns and told you all about how I thought Miss Kitty was the most beautiful woman in the world when I was a little girl.

Another of my father’s favorites on TV was Bonanza. All women who were girls in the 70s remember Bonanza.

Every little girl was in love with Little Joe played by Michael Landon. He was just so young and cute. He gave Shaun Cassidy a run for his money back in those days. He had one thing on Shaun though…he rode a horse. My God…we women were attracted to cowboys well before the song “Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy” was ever written.

Then there was Hoss. No one had the hots for Hoss. He was big and bald and wore an 87 gallon hat. Always funny but far from attractive to an 8 year old. He was more like the embarrassing uncle who gave you piggy back rides and everyone made fun of...he was the epitome of an oaf.

My personal favorite was Adam. He was so gorgeous in those black pants, black shirt, and black hair. Ahhhh…in my little girl heart he was heaven in the form of a man. I would spend hours daydreaming that I was living on the Ponderosa with the Cartwrights and I was Adam’s special girl. I was 8 years old…he was probably in his 40s at the time (In fact, I know he was…I looked him up and he was born in 1928!!! This just gets sicker and sicker.) What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking…I was in love…in love with Adam Cartwright. Not in a book-chicka-wow-wow sort of love. I was only 8 years old and this was back when 8 year olds were still innocent and naive.

I imagined that I was his was cowgirl girlfriend who helped him lasso cows or have gun fights with rustlers and whatever the hell else went on at the Ponderosa. In my mind, I ate dinners prepared by Hop Sing while I sat at the dinner table with Ben and the other boys discussing cattle branding and what-not. I laugh now just thinking about it. Good God…I had an over-the-top imagination!!!

Fast forward about 15 years and there was a show on TV about a doctor named Trapper John McIntyre (the character from MASH). I soon found out that the same actor that played the handsome and dashing cowboy Adam Cartwright played this decrepitly, old, bald-headed doctor. No way!!! Adam Cartwright had thick, lush hair the color of boot black. This guy was old and yucky and old and bald as a friggin’ egg and old.

Guess what else I found out just a couple years ago….just guess. The actor, Pernell Roberts, wore a toupee when he played Adam on Bonanza. When I learned that fact I screamed inside my head.

In that instant, my heart broke for the little 8 year old single gal that lived inside me because she found out that Adam Cartwright was a fucking imposter.

Chick out…