I've flown a bajillion times since 9/11. Prior to that date you could skip through security with bags full of knives and guns and wooden barrels marked "TNT". I sort of miss those days and here's why...
Tuesday I headed to the airport to fly down to Alabama. As I went through security, I set off the metal detectors. I turned around and headed back through and again and set it off once again.
The guy working there called one of the ladies over to pat me down. She immediately looked at me and said, "It's your bra isn't it, honey?"
Yep, you got it. My big ole bra set off the damned metal detectors! Unfortunately, this isn't the first time. My bra has wires enormous enough for the Flying Wallendas to walk across. I'm not joking...it takes a lot of architectural stabilization to hold my knockers.
So while I'm going through the wanding and pat down, my purse and shoes go on through the x-ray machine. One of the guys working the x-ray looked at me, pointed to my lovely, stylishly, fabulous leopard print purse, and asked, "Is this your purse?" Oh...Shit...I knew what was coming next.
They found one of the Swiss Army knives that I normally carry in my purse. Luckily I had removed the other one (that had been my father's) the night before. By this point, I looked like a hillbilly terrorist trying to take down BWI airport with a bra and a knife.
To be honest, I think my bra could be considered more dangerous than a knife. I mean I could strangle a man with my bra...I could hang a man with my bra...I could stab a man with my bra...I could use my bra as a double barrel sling shot and kill two men at once. Lord the damage I could do with that thing.
Hell I don't need even need mechanical weapons...I could use my boobs to smother a man. I'm armed and dangerous 24/7!!! They'll never confiscate those!!!
Chick out...
Tuesday I headed to the airport to fly down to Alabama. As I went through security, I set off the metal detectors. I turned around and headed back through and again and set it off once again.
The guy working there called one of the ladies over to pat me down. She immediately looked at me and said, "It's your bra isn't it, honey?"
Yep, you got it. My big ole bra set off the damned metal detectors! Unfortunately, this isn't the first time. My bra has wires enormous enough for the Flying Wallendas to walk across. I'm not joking...it takes a lot of architectural stabilization to hold my knockers.
So while I'm going through the wanding and pat down, my purse and shoes go on through the x-ray machine. One of the guys working the x-ray looked at me, pointed to my lovely, stylishly, fabulous leopard print purse, and asked, "Is this your purse?" Oh...Shit...I knew what was coming next.
They found one of the Swiss Army knives that I normally carry in my purse. Luckily I had removed the other one (that had been my father's) the night before. By this point, I looked like a hillbilly terrorist trying to take down BWI airport with a bra and a knife.
To be honest, I think my bra could be considered more dangerous than a knife. I mean I could strangle a man with my bra...I could hang a man with my bra...I could stab a man with my bra...I could use my bra as a double barrel sling shot and kill two men at once. Lord the damage I could do with that thing.
Hell I don't need even need mechanical weapons...I could use my boobs to smother a man. I'm armed and dangerous 24/7!!! They'll never confiscate those!!!
Chick out...
No comments:
Post a Comment