Snow...glorious snow!!!

Apparently, this winter all of my neighbors in the Baltimore area and I have been very, very bad boys and girls. Normally, we might have one mediocre snow per winter season. This winter we’ve already had four snow events and the granddaddy of all storms is bearing down on us now.

I would like to go on the record and emphatically make the following statement ….SNOW CAN BITE MY FAT ASS!!!!

Remember when we were kids and snow was fun? We got out of school…played in the snow…built snowmen…holed up in the house and watched TV all day sipping cocoa. Ahhhh, the good old days. I never could understand why my parents hated snow so badly. Well now I comprehend completely because I’ve become one helluva snow hating bitch!

So it snows…then what? Play? I guffaw!!! I…still…have…to…work!!! I have to shovel snow like a damned mad woman zipped into a coat with the zipper stuck, which actually happened during the last storm..not fun and all I could think was that I was gonna have to cut myself out of the coat when I was through shoveling! Build a snowman?? I think not…I might kick the snowman in his snowballs!!!

I have to look at my gas and electric bill and shit my pants at the cost of running my heat during a snow storm with 20-30 MPH winds. Winds?? Snow?? The next thing you know, the friggin’ Bumble Beast from Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer will be stumbling down my street. If I see him I’m shooting the bastard, cutting him open, and crawling inside his warm, dead body for heat!!!!!

Now they’re calling for a storm that they’re measuring in feet of snow!!! WTF? I can hear the weather forecasters now, “Hey let’s really fuck with them! Screw"inches"…let’s tell them they’re getting 2 feet of snow with snow drifts up to 4 feet. Bwaaaa haaaa haaaa haaaaa!”

What happened to the fun that always accompanied snow? Fun died that’s what happened to Fun. He died around 1993, when I suffered through a blizzard in March while living in Tennessee. I cursed his name to the devil and he shriveled up and went straight to hell.

So that’s it…it’s all my fault…I killed Fun 18 years ago. Please accept my apologies and while you're at it…you people that still think snow is fun can bite my fat ass too.

Chick out…brrrrr…or should I say feet of brrrrr...